Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
