I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
