Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
