So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
