I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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