last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
