Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Im part way to drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
