She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
