i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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