Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
