Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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