the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
