you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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