Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
