help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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