I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
