Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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