i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
