We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
