Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
even my farts smell like vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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