My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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