I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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