so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize