I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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