I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
