The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize