hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
