it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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