best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
