As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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