she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
