It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
