Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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