I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this will be a night to untag.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
