I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
