and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
