Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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