Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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