the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
