Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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