Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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