my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
