i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
