Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I believe in your delicious
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
