my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
