I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
