I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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