I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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