I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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