I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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