I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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