I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am one with the molecules
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
