the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize