it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
