i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
