I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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