She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize