wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
