I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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