just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
