3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
