That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want to make out with him forever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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