Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
