Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
