it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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