and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
