I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
