is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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